i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
