What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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