a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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