Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
