At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
