You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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