im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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