Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
