Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
