If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
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