Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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