Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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