Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
