About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
