Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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