cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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