Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
