She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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