how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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