Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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