dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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