call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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