handjob tips. give me some.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
