In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
