All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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