The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
