I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
