Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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