...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
