His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize