She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
