Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
