Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
