I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
