Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
