I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
