We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
