My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
