Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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