Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
