1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
