I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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