my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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