How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
