Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
