Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
There r osticjed everywhere
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Well I just put wine in my tea
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
