I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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