Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
