that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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