I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
