so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
