party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
