please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
