in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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