i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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