I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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