I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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