The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
