have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
home. puking in laundry basket.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
