just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
