Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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