I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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