so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
