you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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